Most children get used to school life within weeks after starting school. But some are reluctant to leave the comfort of the home months or even years later. Educators and mental health specialists term the condition as school refusal or school avoidance. Parents of such children will need to be understanding, patient and learn ways to help their children overcome school refusal.
Signs of School Refusal
Diane Peters Mayer, psychotherapist and author of Overcoming School Anxiety [New York: AMACOM, 2008], says that a child who avoids going to school may show several tell-tale physical signs. These include:
- Dizziness
- Shakiness or trembling
- Rapid heartbeat, chest pains or hyperventilation
- Sweating
- Headaches
- Stomachaches, vomiting or diarrhea
- Panic Attacks
She writes that the child may cry and beg to kept at home, throw tantrums, feel sad and depressed, can’t sleep and can’t concentrate on anything she is doing. “If your child’s symptoms become severe, she may threaten to harm herself if she has to go to school. Many children may also go to school without protesting but suffer in silence,” Peters Mayer says, adding that there are ways to help the child ease anxiety and increase coping skills.
Be Attentive to the Child’s Feelings
Peters Mayer advises parents to listen to the child and acknowledge her feelings no matter how irrational they sound. Tell her you understand what she is feeling. Avoid telling the child off or ridiculing her for being fearful.
Dr. Miriam Stoppard, parenting expert and author of Questions Children Ask [London: Dorling Kindersley, 1997], shares the view. “Always be ready to listen and sympathize. Let your child know you are prepared to solve problems,” she says.
Avoid Punishing the Child
Refrain from shouting at, demeaning or punishing the child because of her anxiety. It doesn’t help but only increases her fears. Make sure other family members understand this rule as well. Encourage the child to speak up and voice his worries instead.
Be Firm about Going to School
Children with school refusal problems have the tendency to ask their parents to bend school rules. Don’t give in to such requests but firmly tell the child that school is necessary. Stoppard suggests telling the child that even unpopular school rules serve a purpose and that they should be adhered to as best as possible.
Display Good Anxiety and Stress Management
Parents should be aware of their own anxiety in the child’s presence. Parents who blatantly show they are upset with the child’s anxiety will only worsen the situation. Instead, parents should believe in their child’s ability to overcome her anxiety and let the child know that they have such faith in her, says Peters Mayer.
Peters Mayer also suggests that parents model good stress management skills. “Learn how to defuse your anxiety by using techniques for relaxing and teach them to your child,” she says.
Talk to School
Do not hesitate to contact the school if parents suspect the child is being deliberately ostracized, bullied, extorted or having problems with particular teachers. Raise your concerns and follow it up a week or two later to make sure something is being done.
Those who wish to learn more about managing school-related problems may also want to read articles on Getting Ready for School, Easing School Anxiety in Children and First Year at School.
Wei Yin Wong - I started my working life as a reporter at an English daily called The Sun in Malaysia 16 years ago, writing health-related articles. ...
