It’s common to see one child hitting, biting or gouging another child when Mum isn’t looking. Some kids even start behaving in a babyish manner when a new baby is born in the family.
Fortunately, most kids get over the feeling of sibling rivalry and jealousy as they grow older. Some even become protective towards their younger siblings. It does take time for this positive change to happen. In the meantime, here are some parenting tips to improve sibling relationships.
Prepare the Child for a New Baby’s Arrival
Getting the child ready for a new sibling is the best way to ensure the child feels positively about the baby’s arrival, says Dr. Miriam Stoppard, parenting expert and author of Questions Children Ask (London: Dorling Kindersley, 2002).
“Talk about a forthcoming new baby all the time as ‘your baby’ so that the child can feel that the new baby belongs just as much to him, but is shared with you as parents,” Stoppard says, adding that this will help instill a feeling of protection and ownership before the baby is born. Getting him involved in other things such choosing the baby’s name together as a family, letting him feel the baby kicking and taking him along to antenatal check-ups to hear baby’s heart beat and see the ultrasound scan will help as well.
Maintain Old Routines with Older Child
Once the baby is born, maintain some of the old routines with the older child as much as possible. Try to spend time together with both children as well as with each child alone. Granted, it’s easier said than done. But even a small effort is better than no effort.
Encourage Children to Play together
Big brother has a big role in the baby’s life. He can talk to the baby, play peekaboo or pull funny faces. The more time the children spend happily together, the more likely they will genuinely care and watch out for each other as they grow older. Encourage the kids every time they play well together and they are more likely to have good playtimes together.
Treat Children Fairly
Fights between siblings will be reduced considerably if there are no favorites in Mum or Dad’s heart or head, says Dr. John Irvine, leading Australian child psychologist and author of A Handbook for Happy Families (Sydney: Finch Publishing, 2002). Treat all kids in the family with fairness and kindness. When these feelings flow freely in the family, the kids often feel more secure and happy, which in turn will have a positive effect on their relationship with each other.
Parents as Middlemen
This works well for older kids. When a fight starts, ask them to stop and sit at either end of the table with Mum or Dad in the middle. Irvine suggests that one child be given the chance to air his complaints first with the other listening without talking. When the first child finishes, the second child has to summarize what has been said. No argument is allowed at any point. Then the second child gets his turn to present his side of the story and the first child has to summarize that. “It’s a fact that one kids actually hear each other out, it’s a lot easier to sort the problem out,” says Irvine.
When parents successfully get sibling rivalry and jealousy out of the way, children are very likely to be able to get along beautifully. Important parenting tips to remember include preparing a child for a new baby’s arrival, maintaining old routines with the older child, encouraging children to play together, treating children fairly and having parents act as middlemen.
Those who find this article useful may also like to read Fostering Sibling Love, How to Manage Sibling Rivalry and Introducing a New Baby.
Wei Yin Wong - I started my working life as a reporter at an English daily called The Sun in Malaysia 16 years ago, writing health-related articles. ...
